we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
