Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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