i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
