1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
