my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
