I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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