Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
