I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
