how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
