I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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