look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
