my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
