hell yes lets make some ravioli
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
