i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
