Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I need a beard to bite.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
