it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
