so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
