Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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