my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
