he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
