you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
