I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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