why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
