U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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