Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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