Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
