mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
