Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
