she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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