Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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