I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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