2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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