You can't motorboat a personality
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
