my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
