He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
