Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
