It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
as a side note pls kill me
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
