I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
