I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
