On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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