Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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