Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
