i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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