I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
