I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
