OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
