I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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