I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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