she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
