Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
