Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
