Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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